


Payday and Steven Universe Oneshots

by ArkhamKnight0194



Category: PAYDAY (Video Games), Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Attempted Murder, Bank Robbery, Day At The Beach, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Gun Violence, Heist, Murder, One Shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22184764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArkhamKnight0194/pseuds/ArkhamKnight0194
Summary: Short stories of the PAYDAY Gang robbing the entire universe of Steven Universe and crappy oneshots I had in mind
Kudos: 5





	1. In The Face of Evil (Part 1)

[In The Face of Evil](https://youtu.be/G02wKufX3nw)

* * *

In the Crystal Gem's Temple,the entire crew were watching a film with Steven as the door of the house opened with Greg holding tickets in his hands.

"Who wants to go on a road trip?"He asked with stars in his eyes.

"Oh!Where are we going,dad?!"Steven asked excitedly.

"I bought us tickets to Japan,schtu-ball!"Greg replied as he nuzzled Steven's head.

"Oh,that's delightful,Greg!"Rose exclaimed with delight as the door burst open as the PAYDAY Gang entered the house carrying bags and a bag dripping blood.

"Oh,hey Pearl,you guys have a trash can and a shovel?"Hoxton asked the renegade pearl as he threw down a bag full of money and cocaine.

"Yes,it's in the storage room."Pearl pointed out.

"Get to work you shit for brains."Hoxton said as he gave Houston the body bag and went to grab the shovel.

"So,how's it going?"Dallas asked as he unmasked himself and sat down by the kitchen counter.

"Oh,yeah,Greg bought tickets to Japan,D."Amethyst said as she shoved some popcorn into her mouth.

"Yes,and it's going to be a fun time for us,schtu--"

Before Greg could finish,a shotgun blast erupted from the side as blood spilled out from the other side of Greg's head as the shot actually came from Wolf's shotgun.

"Dude!What the hell was that for?!"Amethyst asked as she summoned her whip as Hoxton and Chains pulled out their guns.

"Hold on,before you guys can go ahead and kill each other,that wasn't Greg it was actually a Cloaker in disguise."Dallas said as 'Greg's body started to glitch and revealed a man in a black suit with night vision goggles with him.

"Wait,since when did Cloakers learn how to shapeshift?"Chains asked as he hid away his pistol and looked at Dallas.

"Uh,since 2020?"

"What in the world's name is a Cloaker?"Bismuth asked as she analyzed the Cloaker's armor.

"This are sneaky little bastards who sneak up behind you and backstab you at the right moment,possibly also armed with a memory chip that embed themselves into your brains.Jacket hates this guys,"John Wick said as he touched the Cloaker's goggles and threw away the goggles and removed his gloves,"This guy's a big one,Houston gotta bury this one on the sea."

"Wait then where's the real Greg?"Pearl asked as she placed her spear back inside her gemstone.

"He's at the carwash."Garnet said as she adjusted her visor,using her future vision.

"Then how long has this 'Cloaker' been spying on us?"Peridot asked.

"Possibly for a month,this wankers could have brought reinforcements with him.Beach City could be infested with goddamn Cloakers."Clover said as she bagged up the corpse and threw it outside right at Houston's face.

"So we gotta keep an eye out for more of these mother fuckers."Wolf said as he discarded a shell as Jacket gave him a box full of shotgun shells.

"Vad du än säger,Herr Wolf.Vi är här för att hjälpa."Jacket said as held his tape recorder.

"Thanks,Jacket.I could always count on you."


	2. Steamed Pizza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoxton invites the Gems to the Safehouse only to get his dinner meal ruined

"Well, James, we made it. Despite your directions." Pearl said.

"Ah, guys, welcome! I hope you're all ready for an unforgettable luncheon."Hoxton said as he led the Gems to the table as he pulled a table for Pearl which she politely accepted.

Hoxton walked inside the kitchen only to be horrified at the sight of his oven unleashing black smoke. He opened the oven and screamed as his family roast was nothing but a charred black burn. 

" My family roast is ruined! "He said as he looked outside to see the Fish Stew Pizza near the Safehouse." But what if I were able to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Delightfully devilish, Hoxworth."

Hoxton opened the window as he attempted to sneak out only to get caught when Pearl entered the kitchen.

"Hoxton!What are you doing?"

"Pearl! I-I was playing the [bagpipes! "](https://youtu.be/wrI3-3dyyRI) Hoxton said as he pulled out a pair of bagpipes and played off tune notes.

"Hoxton,your oven is on fire." Pearl pointed out at the flaming oven which Hoxton denied.

"No! That's steam, steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm... Steamed Clams!"

Pearl rolled her eyes as she left the kitchen which Hoxton sighed in relief as he jumped out and ran to the diner. Outside, he masked up and pulled out his pistol.

"Get down on the ground!"

Gunshot was heard.

* * *

"And then Hoxton forgot the thermal drill and we got arrested there after." Chains said as he grabbed handful of nuts and shoved it in his mouth.

Hoxton soon came out with a tray of pizza surrounded by mozarella sticks. 

"Guys, I hope you're all ready for mouth watering pizza and mozarella sticks!" Hoxton announced with an unsuspecious grin.

"Oh! AWESOME!" Steven cheered as he drank some of the soda Amethyst brought with her.

"I thought we were having Steamed Clams." Pearl said sounding confused.

"He said Steamed Pizza."Garnet said, using her future vision.

" Yes! That's right! Steamed Pizza!That's what I call pizza! "Hoxton said as he placed down the tray in the table.

" You call a pizza 'Steamed Pizza'? "Pearl asked with an eyebrow raised.

" Yes, he does."Dallas said as he drank some of the soda.

" That's what my family calls a pizza, it's a regional dialogue. "Hoxton said with a smug grin as he wiped off some of the blood in his suit. 

" Yeah, what country? "Amethyst asked.

" He's gonna say Great Britain. "Garnet said using her future vision once more.

" Yes, it is Great Britain!"Hoxton said as his grin was still on his face.

" Well, we never heard anyone use the term 'Steamed Hams'."Steven said in amazement.

" No of course not, only Brits say that. "Hoxton said.

The Gems digged in the pizza dish as well as the Gang while Hoxton digged some of the Mozarella Stick.

" Wait, this pizza tastes like Fish Stew Pizza. "Amethyst said, Hoxton denied with a laugh.

"No.It's Hoxworth Pizza,it's an old family recipe."Hoxton assured.

"For Steamed Pizza?"Steven asked.

"Yep."

"You call them Steamed Pizza but the crust is cruchy and crispy."Amethyst said as she showed him her half-eaten pizza.

This made Hoxton stutter and uncomfortable.

"I think...you are..."Hoxton stood up and ask,"Can you excuse me for a moment?"

"Yes,James."Pearl said as the heister entered the kitchen and screams were heard.

"Die,Cloaker!"

Another scream was heard.

"I just only made it worst!"Hoxton yelled as he threw down the flamethrower and returned to the dining room.

"All right,I'm full."Hoxton said as Pearl wiped off her mouth.

"Yes..that's..."That was until she noticed the fire,"Oh my Rose!What the heck is happening over there?!"

"Aurora Borealis."Hoxton firmly replied.

"Uh?Aurora Borealis?"Amethyst asked sounding not amused.

"At this time of year,at this time of the day,in this part of the town,placed here in your Safehouse?"Garnet asked sounding not amused as well.

"Yes."

There was a long silence.

"Can I see it?"Steven asked.

"No."

He led them outside only to get a shout from Clover.

"Hoxton!The Safehouse is on fire and it's being invaded!"

"No,Clover!That's just the Northern Lights."Hoxton denied.

"Well,Hoxton.You are an odd fellow but you steam a good pizza."Amethyst said as they finally walked away.

"Raise Jimmy from the dead!"

They all turned back to see Hoxton give them a smile and a thumbs up.Pearl shrugged as they walked away.

"Holy Shit!"

Hoxton ran back inside as he pumped his shotgun and grabbed the nearest flame extinguisher.


	3. The End,The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gang mourns the loss of a friend

[Miste](https://youtu.be/fby7G4zJH4Q)

* * *

Raindrops poured from the grey sky as a man with greying hair was carrying a six month old child in his hands.He stood up and grabbed his umbrella and wore his american flag mask.

"Let's go,buddy."The man said to the infant as he opened the door of the house and flipped the umbrella on.

He walked in the wet sand and was met with a man wearing a mask with the right side being burned off.

"You ready,Dallas?"The man asked with a frown as he hazed upon the child snuggled to his arms.

"I'm ready,Hoxton."Dallas said as they boarded the black vehicle and placed the infant on a baby seat.

Inside the van,two more passengers wearing a mask with a bloody red smile and scars in both eyes and as for the other one,he was wearing a mask with the underside being red and has blonde hair.

"I can't believe he's gone."Hoxton said as he started the vehicle and drove off to the cemetery.

"Yeah,he's lived a life.But it didn't end the right way,though."Chains said with a frown as Wolf tried to comfort the sobbing child.

"This little guy doesn't have anyone else with him.No parents...what do we do about it?"Wolf asked as the child ceased it's cries.

"Let's worry about that later,guys."Dallas said.

After 5 minutes,the gang arrived at the cemetery where several people dressed in black stood there.One of them was Garnet and Amethyst.

"Thanks for coming,guys."Hoxton said as he shook the Gem's hand.

"We're here to say farewell to him."Garnet said as a few tears were visible in her eyes.

"Yeah,it wasn't fair.Though."Amethyst wiped off a few tears in her eyes.

They started to walk into the crowd where a coffin was prepared to place in eternal rest.The priest walked up.

"Where's Pearl?"Garnet asked.

"I-I don't know.I havent seen her last night after we told her the news."Dallas said as he removed the paper wraping and inside were several red roses.

"We are here today to mourn the loss of Gregory DeMayo.He was a husband,a father,and a friend..."

Wolf held the six month old infant in his arms as the infant sobbed at the sight of his father like he was asleep.

"It's okay,kid.It's okay."Wolf said as he stroked the child's curly hair.

A few people said their speeches,and then Dallas walked up to give his speech.

"Gregory DeMayo was a good friend to me and my crew,"Dallas started with a frown,"He was a loving husband to Rose Quartz,a father to his son,and a friend to everyone.We cannot accept that he passed on but we have to,for he will live on."

Dallas finished his speech.The coffin was being lowered from the face of the earth as the gang started to throw in their roses.

"Rest in peace,Greg."Chains said as he threw in his rose and walked away.

"Thank you for everything."Hoxton said as he threw in his rose.

"We'll see you again."Wolf said as he carried the child back home.

Dallas approached the hole as he held his rose in his hand and looked at the coffin once more.

"Farewell old friend."Dallas said as he finally threw in his rose and left the funeral after then,the man finished burying the coffin.

While walkig out,Hoxton noticed a certain someone nearby and frowned,knowing who it is.He walked to the person with his umbrella still in his hands.It was Pearl.

"Hey,"Hoxton started.

She turned away with tears in her eyes.

"I thought you won't be going to the funeral,"Hoxton started again with a frown.

"I didn't say I wouldn't,"Pearl said still not facing him.

"Look,I know this is a lot to take in,but--"

Pearl snapped.

"A lot?!Greg has passed on and it's a lot to take in?!He's dead!And we're just left with...that thing!"

"You will not call Steven like that."Hoxton hissed,pointing a finger at her.

"Says the man who robbed banks in Washington,DC!"

"Greg was a good man and a good friend.He left us to raise his son.What's your problem?!"He asked.

"He took everything away from me!He took away Rose!He took away everything!"She snapped.

Hoxton has finally reached his limit.

"I think we should see other people."He said with darkness in his eyes.

Pearl's anger finally faded as he realized what he meant.

"You're--?You're breaking up with me?"She asked as her voice finally broke.

"If you cannot accept Greg's son or him,then don't talk to me or even try,"Hoxton said as he finally decided to walk away leaving the gem alone,"That's your problem,you drive people or the ones you love away."

Pearl finally broke down in tears and in the rain.All her loathe and bitterness was alway directed at Greg.Hoxton was always there for her and as her emotional support.Now,Greg's son has no parent to guide him.

"Is it true,Rose?"Pearl asked to herself,"Do I drive everyone away?"

She then felt a pang of guilt and regret at the things she had done against Greg or the Gang.

"He's right.I always drive the ones I love away."She said as she continued her sobbing.

* * *

Back at the temple,the gang sat in the living room with sadness in their eyes as the baby layed down next to Dallas.

Soon,a bright pink glow covered the entire room which caught the gang's attention.

"What is it,Dallas?"Chains asked.

"It's not the end.It's just the begining."He stated.

The baby was the key to bring peace and prosperity to the galaxy.


End file.
